Kasey Princell

AKA: Primary

The Renaissance Man

Bio: He’s your typical Firefighter/EMT/Skydiver/Class President/Entrepreneur/Pilot/Scubadiver/Real Estate Agent/One-Kidney-Wonder that can never seem to maintain a positive bank balance. We expect some of his Princell-Patented-Processes such as the BuySwapReturn, the 29-day trial, and the burn&return to keep us in cool stuff on our limited budget. Primary is the proprietor and team captain of this crew, so he will take unlimited shit for anything that goes wrong.

Worst Drinking moment: Daytona beach, fancy bar. . .too much 151. There seemed to be a guy in the bar garnering a lot of attention. I belly up to him and ask his name. “Dick Trickle,” he snaps. “Well, if you’re not gonna tell me your real name, fuck off!” seemed to be the proper reply to a silly-ass made up name like that. Apparently not. The next thing I knew I was being thrown out of the bar on my ear. On the way home from the bar I booted Hawaiian stuffed crust pizza all over my friends car (which remains uncleaned to this day). I found out months later that this STD name having dude is some kinda famous racecar driver. Apparently Days of Thunder was about him, but in the movie, they changed his first name to Cole. . .why couldn’t his parents have been as wise?

Beer: Corona

Liquor: Stoli

OOGA: 1 in 10 While Primary is a good candidate for getting arrested we expect his smooth-talkin’ ice-cream-to-Eskimos sales abilities to keep us out of jail on a couple occasions, as well.

Example:

Cop: “Not only could I bust you guys for public intox, but it is illegal to walk in the middle of a four-lane highway!”

Primary: (Putting on shit-eating grin looking down to officer’s nametag: M. O’Reilley) “So, M. . .what does M stand for anyway?”

Cop: “Officer”

Primary: “D’oh!”

Shawn Princell  

AKA: P

The Instigator

Bio: He’s a regular at Denison University, but when he’s trying to forget his studies he snuggles up with a nice, cold keg of Old Milwaukee. On the weekends, he heads up to Windsor to throw the dice on the craps table. If he’s not doing something stupid, he’s calling you a pussy, so you do it. The ladies love him, but he’s always out of their reach. P is always up for a game of poo dollar and third floor water balloon toss. Look to find P chillin in the Adirondacks, on the basketball court, or a bar near you.

Worst Drinking Moment: Waking up for a 9:30 class on a Thursday and finding a mural of cocks, words and phrases all over my arms, legs and face. Good shit fellas, but I’ll getcha back.

Beer: Old Mil

Liquor: Bacardi O “Put on your O face”

OOGA: 1 in 10 P dodges bullets like the matrix, but has feet made of concrete, so running away is not an option.

Clint Coerdt

AKA: Clintorious

The McGyver

Bio: Clintorious is loved by the ho-torious everywhere, but most of the time he’s trying to keep his roommate off slump busters. When security isn’t stealing empty kegs out of his car and chasing him around campus, Clintorious is out rock climbing or scaling houses. If he’s not off-roading in his Subaru with reckless abandonment for safety, he’s cruising around in his yellow, 1970’s Volkswagon Thing. Don’t be fooled by his golden locks because he’s as rugged as the crocodile hunter. Clintorious can be found hanging out in Colorado, chillin in the ALC, or sleeping on his hammock in the wilderness.

Worst Drinking Moment: After a long night of drinking, I passed out sitting straight up on my futon at 4am and had to wake up at 7:30am for a full day of classes.

Beer: Labatt’s

Liquor: Dewars

OOGA: 1 in 15 More conscious of authority than most because of experience, Clintorious is predicted to stay away from precarious situations.

Alex Shorts

AKA: AC

The Aficionado

Bio: A Bostonian who can disguise the accent, he is spontaneous, fears nothing, and knows your bio. He’s an independent Patriot who dives headfirst into excess and is under the influence of something 5 or 6 times a week. The scuba diving, guitar playing white boy clown will be seen chasing Australian blonde ass next semester. At the mean time, he enjoys life in college even though Ohio sucks. You want this southpaw on your side; just ask one of his many fallen rivals. One of the founders of the “Shordig Keg Club,” he doesn’t hesitate to say this one's on him. He’s the first to write on you when you’re out at 2 am, but with a pack of Washable Markers, because he is not an asshole ALL the time. Just don’t double cross him.

Worst Drinking moment: Passing out while bouncing on a trampoline.

Beer: Sam Adams (the original)

Liquor: Captains

OOGA: 1 in 8 AC has a tendency to punch things and become more meaty with every drink, something cops frown on for some reason.

Matt Ruggles

AKA: Ruggs

The Hitman

Bio: Former heir to the Ruggles Ice Cream empire, Ruggs now lives party to party. When not hung over, he dabbles in the improv circuit and samples different colleges a semester at a time. Ruggs can always be counted on being the life of the party. If he’s not flowin’ about your mama’s britches, he’s picking up the hottie in the corner with his Sean Connery impression. If you get on Rugg’s good side he’ll have your back till the day you die. If you get on Rugg’s bad side, let us know, as no one has ever seen it.

Worst Drinking moment: A stripper, a used dildo, and a very unsanitary decision.

Worst Drinking moment #2 (A tie): I came down to Oxford to party with my cuz, Kasey. It always gets nuts when Kasey and I get together, so I was prepared for anything. We killed a new bottle of Stoli together, then shot uptown. I can't even remember what more I drank uptown, but it seemed like everyone we met wanted to buy us drinks. After a late night we came home and passed out around 6am. I was abruptly awoken at 8am by a grumbly in my tumbly. I barely made it to the toilet before I experienced the most violent puke of my life. It felt as if my whole stomach was turning inside out. Ah, the post-puke bliss. . .but not for long. Fifteen minutes later I was at it again. You could set your watch by my gargantuan hurls. They were so loud they woke up my cuz two rooms over. Two hours and 8 projectile vomits later I started puking blood. It was at this time that we began to panic. We called Kasey's brother who is an ER doc down in South Carolina. He laughed, and called in a 'scrip for some anti-puke medicine. Kasey shot over to Wal-Mart to pick it up. When he came back he had this huge grin on his face, "They're poopy pills!" Great, I had to put something in my out-hole. I decided against it. Not for long. After the next wave hit, I sat on the bullet. Physical relief came quickly, but relief from all the suppository jokes will never come until the sweet release of death.

Beer: Buddy Liptons

Liquor: Bacardi 151

OOGA: 1 in 15 Ruggs is a natural charmer. If the cop is female. . .fuggetaboutit.

Zack Pace

AKA: Dice

The Non-Affiliated Frat Boy

Bio: Dice is currently pursuing a lawsuit against the producers of “American Pie” for stealing his best line, “Suck me. . .beautiful” and for intellectual property rights for the character “Stiffler” created in his likeness. Holding the noteworthy title of “First probie to get signed off on a first out truck in less than a year” has not gone to his head. He is still a down-to-earth hybrid firefighter/EMT who has seemed to have charmed the officers into thinking he has skills.

Worst Drinking moment: After a puke-and-rally I thought it would be a good idea to go skinny dipping in the ocean by myself. While I was bobbing in the froth, a landshark must have taken my clothes, as I was unable to locate them upon surfacing on the beach. I casually and nakedly walked a ½ mile to my hotel room, with my frozen, shrunken member pointing the way.

Beer: Bud-weis-er

Liquor: Captains 

OOGA: 1 in 2 Dice’s best investment prior to this trip was a AAA membership. Not so much for the free tows, as the $1000 bail bond. Not 10 minutes before this was written, he waved at a State Trooper, then took a left. . .AT A RED LIGHT! While Dice is a lock for most-likely-to-get-arrested, no convictions will stick to this Teflon-DonJuan. Dice is unusual in that he actually gets less scrappy the drunker he gets. As long as one of our 3 firemen/EMTs can keep him on a steady IV of Captains, his OOGA might drop to 1 in 5.

Shawn Stickle

AKA: Flash

The Drunken “Cop”

Bio: When sober, Flash is a mild-mannered Firefighter/EMT. But, much like Clark Kent, when he goes into his phone booth of drunkenness he becomes. . .SUPER COP!!!! He can be seen at your local pubs calmly stating to some unruly punk something like “Hey buddy, just walk away and maybe I won’t take you downtown.” Code 31s beware, this top "cop" may have to take you to his precinct for a debriefing.

Worst Drinking moment: I can’t exactly remember, but it did end up getting me suspended from Miami University for a semester two years ago.

Beer: Hofbraus

Liquor: Aged Black & White

OOGA: 1 in 20 I am the law!!

Margie Bright

AKA: Fast & Furious

The Girl

Bio: F&F enjoys long walks on the beach, pina coladas, and fart-lighting contests. . .yeah, she’ll fit right in. Hopefully she will bring a little class to this whole trip, but, uh, don’t hold your breath. If nothing else she might be able to get us out of some speeding tickets by batting her eyes (although the bus would probably have to roll off a cliff to break any speed limits). F&F will not be allowed behind the wheel during this journey as she attracts traffic cops like a triple glazed doughnut. F&F’s drinking will be closely monitored during this trip, as she becomes a mini-Mike Tyson after too many (ear biting included). This lady also has the distinction of being one of the founders of the Internantional Pace Haters.

Worst Drinking moment: One night I drank way too much and came out of a blackout as a 98 lb. Tazmanian Devil. I have learned moderation since then, we will see if it holds up on this trip.

Beer: Bud Light

Liquor: Stoli Vodka (only the best)

OOGA: 1 in 100 I am pursuing a career in law…arresting me is not an option. I will run like hell.

Joshua Francis  

AKA: Tiny

The Bouncer

Bio: Member of Pi Kappa Alpha (Pike). Arrested for pissing on another fraternity's lawn. Goes to Miami University with a 65% class attendance. His one claim to fame is robbing an ice cream truck of 25 gallons of ice cream! He can chug a beer faster than anyone anywhere, and he will travel to challenge anyone that says otherwise. He's a bouncer at the biggest bar in O-Town (6'3", 285lbs all penis weight) eat your heart out.

Worst Drinking Moment: Talked into taking my clothes off at a bar (or so I'm told), woke up with my shirt on my legs in a puddle of water. . .don't know how that happened. Permanent black hole in memory from 11:30pm to 6:30 am that morning.

Beer: Cold

Liquor: Beeeeeer

OOGA: 1 in 2 He's just a big dumb animal folks.