DAY Five

03-12-2002

11:59am

Windsor, Ontario

We wake up to a parking ticket on the windshield of the bus. 

"They found us, I don't know how, but somehow they found us! Run for it Marty!"

"Who?!"

"The mounties!"

Ruggs passed out hard last night. . .

12:30pm

Windsor Police Station

The ticket ended up being for $13 bones Canadian, which roughly worked out to $1.37 American. Yeah, it's great to be a Yankee. We drive the bus to the police station to inform them as American Firefighters, we have diplomatic immunity. The police quickly apologize for ticketing us and void the ticket. While Flash was taking care of the ticket, Dice left to "take a dump" and returned 45 minutes later with McDonalds, and none for the rest of the class. This was when the idea was born, that Dice had a special something coming to him at some time during this trip.

1:15pm

Canada-US Border

While the Canadian border patrol was cool as hell entering Canada, the US border guy was a PRICK! The bus rolled up to the checkpoint with everyone patriotically singing the Star Spangled Banner.

Dude: "What are you. . .stupid?!"

Us; "Uh. . .we're just glad to be home."

Dude: "Yeah right, like I haven't heard that one before!"

Us: Puzzled looks

Us whispered: "What a dick!"

Well, America's finest was so busy hollering at us, he didn't have time to look inside the bus. I hope you all feel safe.

2:04pm

Detroit Rock City!

Tiny woke up with a funny sore on his lip, and an itch in his nether-regions. Uh, oh, here's a Thrift Store bus. . .pulling. . .over.

While in the thrift store, P is caught "drining" and is promptly thrown out of the joint.

4:16pm

Wal-Mart

A quick stop at Wal-Mart to pick up some essentials. Primary works on hooking up a fuel pump to our s-t-ruggling generator, 

. . .while Tiny and P build their Styrofoam planes.

6:00pm

Big Boy

Time for our one meal of the day. Once we finished our milkshakes we moved on to coloring.  Ruggs had a hard time staying in the lines.

7:09pm

Back on the Road

Bellies full, we get back on the pavement.

While enrout to Chi-Town we pick up a strange inbred hitchhiker by the name of Zack Dert.

Primary works on the website, uploading the first couple days.

12:42am

Whirlyball, Chicago

We show up to Whirlyball, after closing time, but the manager hooked us up with after-hours Whirly-based entertainment.

Whirlyball

Beer-Bumper

Beer-Fueled Bumper Sport   

The Dope: What a concept! Whoever decided bumper cars needed to be combined with lacrosse then dropped into a bar gets a MaximRoadTrip two thumbs up!

Chick to Dick Ratio: 4 1:1

Quality of Ladies: 5 We were there after hours, but the bartender was cute. Cannot really comment about QOL, but any chick that's into getting loaded and playing bumper-car lacrosse is OK in our book!

Hospitality: 9 The Gary Shandling look-alike bar manager was most accommodating. He hooked us up with two complimentary games after closing time. The Andy Dick look-alike ref let us get away with many illegal moves during the gameplay.

Overall Score: 9 Whirlyball is the bomb. This game is a blast sober, We can't even imagine playing after a couple dedicated hours of drinking. Much props to everyone that hung around after closing time to let us play.

After Whirleyball, we cool down in the bar with Rocky's trainer.

2:17am

Streets of Chicago

After Whirlyball we had the daunting task of trying to find an overnight parking spot in Chicago. The transmission on the bus started sounding a little funny so we made a quick pit stop to check fluid levels. The transmission was 8 quarts low. . .d'oh!

3:27am

Chicago Parking

(Insert Oxymoron Joke Here)

We finally decide to park in a strip-mall parking lot that is pretty deserted at this hour.

Day Five by the numbers:

Crabby Dicks In Canada: 2

Times Gas Tank Repaired Since Departure: 5

Drining Allowed in Detroit Thrift Stores: 0

Times Ruggs Was "Slashed" in Whirleyball: 9

Times Primary "Slashed" Ruggs: 9

Quarts of Transmission Fluid Topped Off: 8

Additional Pictures From Day Five